Alligator: Dead

There has been an alligator in our pond at work. It apparently came up from the creek. Well, it is no longer. Dad got permission from the game warden to shoot it.

Happiness: An Inferior Goal?

A few weeks later, I am still pondering a statement in Mary Gordon's essay "Flannery's Kiss", which I posted earlier on my blog. This section, namely:

Flannery O'Connor: orthodox, celibate, childless, living with her mother, devoted entirely to her art. To the perfection of a form. Unafraid to look at the darkness; unafraid to imagine that human happiness is an inferior question, an inferior goal. Flannery O'Connor: radically unseduced. How can I think of her and not think of myself as heavy with the things of this world: men, children, dogs, food, clothing, all the distractions of sexual allure? The demands of art ignored, pushed aside for the demands of what I call life. But what would she call it? Distraction? Illusion?

Unafraid to imagine that human happiness is an inferior question, an inferior goal.

I don't imagine that Flannery would have said this in her words, but did she say it with her life? It is an interesting question: is there more to life than being happy? If I were to venture into this question, this is what I might say:

It is obvious to any thinking man that every human being seeks happiness in everything he does. Is happiness, though, the end, or the means, of life? I'm tempted to compare it to hunger. Hunger is an appetite that is sated by eating food. Yet, is the feeling of fullness the purpose of this appetite? It seems to me that we experience the desire to eat, not for the feeling of satiety as an end, but as a means to the perfection of our bodies by nourishment. The perfection of the body, via nutrition, is the end of this appetite. The feeling of fullness is pleasurable as a means to entice us toward the perfection of our bodies.

If we look at happiness, then, as an appetite of the the spirit, happiness no longer appears as the purpose of life, but as a means to life's purpose. As hunger drives us to the perfection of our bodies, the desire to be happy drives us to the perfection of our existence. The perfection of our existence is to be true, beautiful, good, and one with God, Who is Truth, Beauty, Goodness, and One. The happiness that can only come from this perfection is what entices us towards it. It seems, then, that we should not say that we seek to be perfect so that we can be happy. Rather, we experience the relentless desire to be happy in order that we might reach perfection and not stop short of it.

Happiness, then, like feeling full from eating, is a side effect growing toward perfection and in its attainment. But, just as the body reaches perfection not only in nourishment, but also in the pain and stress of growing stronger, so our existence grows toward perfection not only by seeking happiness, but also by redemptive suffering.

It seems, then, that happiness, though we cannot help but seek it, is an inferior goal. It is a means toward our perfection. But, if the desire to be happy ever interferes with our growth toward perfection, because of being distorted by concupiscence, it must be subjected to violence, as God does when He permits suffering in this life that leads to perfection.

Lye Bath

I discovered a new use for lye, other than soapmaking. You can soak cast iron cookware in lye to remove the seasoning. Since seasoning is polymerized fat and lye converts fat into soap, it makes sense. After submerging two cast iron pieces in the lye bath, the water turned nearly black within minutes. From what I've read, they should soak in it for a few days before all the seasoning is removed. After that, I plan to reseasoning them with flax oil. 

How Priests Celebrate Mass

The present tendency among Catholics to seek out a particular Mass - one celebrated by a devout or orthodox priest, or compassionate and merciful priest, or friendly, joyful, and energetic priest - shows just what a severe blow the liturgy has received since the aftermath of the Council. The German writer and intellectual Martin Mosebach put it perfectly in his collection of essays on the liturgy called The Heresy of Formlessness. 

"Many people [...] ask, 'Isn't it still possible to celebrate the new liturgy of Paul VI worthily and reverently?' Naturally it is possible, but the very fact that it is possible is the weightiest argument against the new liturgy. It has been said that monarchy's death knell sounds once it becomes necessary for a monarch to be competent: this is because the monarch, in the old sense, is legitimated by his birth, not his talent. This observation is even truer in the case of the liturgy: liturgy's death knell is sounded once it requires a holy and good priest to perform it. The faithful must never regard the liturgy as something the priest does by his own efforts. It is not something that happens by good fortune or as the result of a personal charism or merit. While the liturgy is going on, time is suspended [...] How can a man be made to see that he is leaving the present time behind if the space he enters is totally dominated by the presence of one particular individual? How wise the old liturgy was when it prescribed that the congregation should not see the priest's face - his distractedness or coldness or (even more importantly) his devotion and emotion."

Beautiful weeds

Sometimes weeds are the most beautiful.

And sometimes the beautiful are the ones for which you don't know a name.

How things will end

Ever since I got a water-saving shower head, I've been less concerned about spending longer in the shower. I can spend 14 minutes in the shower and use the same amount of water as 5 minutes with a standard shower head. Yes, I know this defeats the purpose of the water-saving shower head.

This morning, I was drowsy and didn't want to get out of the shower. The hot water just felt so good. "All good things have to end," I though, half asleep. "All good things must end."

Then I snapped. "All good things must not end," I thought, in a flash of wakefulness. "Everything evil must end. Good shall endure. Good is the only thing that will endure."

"Endure, yes, endure," I thought, lingering longer in the hot water. Then I snapped awake again and turned off the water. "Good shall endure in eternity. In this life good things must end. They only prepare us for life in the next."

Salix

A red postal jeep with the steering wheel on the right side landed in the driveway drawing a trail of gravel dust. The woman handed me a box with three stamps on it: a bleeding heart and two Madonna lilies (Tränendes Herz 100 Deutschland, Madonnenlilie 260 Deutschland). Inside was a glass bottle of the iron/gall-nut-ink in the color "Salix". Salix is Latin for willow.

This kind of ink dates back to the Middle Ages, at least, and was commonly used in manuscripts. It's very long-lasting. I've read good reviews of this ink, and hope to put it to work using my fountain pen again.

Sins of the Flesh

Peace of soul, simplicity of intention, the ability to trust oneself. These are, paradoxically, the prize of the humble and patient.

I enjoyed reading a bit from St. Thomas and Peter Kreeft about why God allows people to fall into sins of the flesh. In sum:

• God permits one to sin in lesser ways in order to prevent one from sinning in greater ways.
• Sins of the flesh, while more shameful, and thus humiliating, are less harmful than sins of the spirit, chiefly pride.
• God withholds graces from us that we might misuse. E.g. God could withhold from us the graces needed to conquer sins of the flesh if we would use such a conquest to place trust in ourselves inordinately, or to become self-righteous, or to deceive ourselves into believing it was in our power to overcome them.
• The humiliation God gives is not so much a punishment as a medicine. Kreeft compares the humiliation due to sins of the flesh to chemotherapy used as a drastic remedy against the cancer of pride.

Sometimes we wish to enjoy the ability to be at peace and to trust ourselves, the prize of the humble and patient, without undertaking the hard work, long-suffering, and death to self by which such a prize is won. We are like those who wish to taste the fruit of the vine without having worked in the vineyard, or  having waited for the harvest season, or the aging of the wine.

Apalachicola Wild Indigo

If I am correct, this is Apalachicola wild indigo (Baptisia megacarpa), an endangered species native to Alabama, cousin to the other wild indigo I posted a few weeks ago (Baptisia alba). It's growing all over the place on my uncle's property, which could deceive one into believing it's not as rare as it is. This area could be one of the larger colonies in existence.

Apalachicola wild indigo (Baptisia megacarpa) (I think)

Speaking of Baptisia alba, it is now finishing its flower season and seed pods are forming. Baptisias are related (in the same rank of family) to peas and beans, as one can surmise by looking at the leaves, flowers, and seed pods.

Baptisia alba, white wild indigo, seed pods

Speaking of Baptisia seed pods, the reason the endangered one has the specific epithet megacarpa is because its seed pods are huge, and puffed up like balloons.

Other things flowering in the woods are farkleberry (sparkleberry), the largest species of blueberry in America (but has inedible fruit). My dad calls them huckleberries, and they are indeed one of the huckleberries.

Farkleberry (Vaccinium arboreum)

Here's a random shot of some old broken down trucks at work:

The Mother of All Spreadsheets

I've made a new Excel spreadsheet at work that further simplifies my job. I call it the mother of all spreadsheets, because basically it reduces the time payroll tasks take to just about two hours on Friday morning. Before, it took between four and five hours, and back when my dad's old office manager did it on paper with pencil, it took between two or three days each week. I used it for the first time today. I was saying this to myself:

I've been looking for an excuse to use this for a while now.

May Ask

1: What eye color do you find sexiest? Dark blue, or golden brown.

2: White, milk, or dark chocolate mocha? I don't think I've ever had a mocha.

3: If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be? I wouldn't get one.

4: Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it? Small town. I liked it.

5: Your favorite adult as a child? (and not your parents, if they were your favorite)
My Aunt Dot. Spontaneous, outgoing, independent, intelligent, eccentric, fashionable, and the most refined old Southern accent. Everyone in my family still talks about her all the time.

6: What kind of smoothie sounds really good right now? Something with berries and not too sweet. Mmm.

7: Most embarrassing moment from your elementary school years?
I got in a fight with a friend and he hit my face with a broomstick. For a week or so afterward I had a large wound/scab on my cheek and under my nose that everyone asked about.

8: Most embarrassing moment from your middle school years?
One time I wore mismatching shoes to school.

9: Most embarrassing moment from your high school years?
Oddly, I can't remember anything embarrassing from high school.

10: Pirates or ninjas? Why?
Ninjas. Pirates are annoying, especially when they speak.

11: Have you ever climbed a tree more than twenty feet off the ground?
Yes. When I was in FOCUS, a student and I climbed to the top of a beech tree on campus for our discipleship meeting. A girl I knew passed underneath. "Emma, it's God!" I said, in a booming voice.

12: Did you like swinging as a child? Do you still get excited when you see a swing set?
I loved swinging. Nowadays I get pretty sick when I swing.

13: If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get?
I'm not a big pet person. I'd like a dog or a cat one day, maybe.

14: What's your most favorite part of your body?
My hands, or my beard.

15: What's your most favorite part of your personality?
I love to make people laugh.

16: Madonna or Lady Gaga? Neither? Both? Who cares?
Neither and who cares? OK, I'll admit I did like some of Madonna's songs.

17: Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through?
Not without deep pain and boredom.

18: Have you ever watched any major sporting event drunk?
No. Is that what makes it enjoyable? Maybe I've been missing out.

19: What's the most delicious food you've ever eaten in your life?
Honestly, I just love pasta. Whenever I go to a catered event, I'm only wondering if pasta is there. If it is, my heart leaps; if not, my heart sinks.

20: Margarine or butter? Which did you grow up with?
I grew up with margarine, but now the stuff kind of scares me. I like using real (especially European-style) butter now, which I think can be healthy if used sparingly.

21: Whole, skim, 1%, or 2% milk? (Did you know they make 1 1/2% milk?)
I used to drink skim milk. Now I drink whole milk, which I think is healthy if done sparingly (see answer to butter question above).

22: Which continents have you been on? North America, Europe, Australia.

23: Do you get motion sickness? Any horror stories? Yes. I never throw up. I just get headaches that last for the rest of the day.

24: Backpacks or satchels? Backpacks.

25: Would you wear a rainbow jacket? A neon yellow sweater? Checkered pants?
I might wear checkered pants. In sixth grade I had a bright rainbow Polo shirt that drew a lot of girls.

26: What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
X-men.

27: If you had to have a cow or a pig, which would you take? Why?
A cow. They smell better, can be milked, and make nice manure for the garden.

28: If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be?
I don't know. Rome, maybe?

29: Longest plane ride you've ever been on? Australia: 14 hours over the Pacific.

30: The latest you've ever slept?
Sometimes, when younger, I've gone to bed at 9am and woken up at 5pm.

31: Would you buy a sweater covered in kitten pictures? Would you wear it if someone gave it you for free? I've been looking for one of those. The guys at work would really appreciate it.

32: Do you pick at scabs?
Yes.

33: Favorite kind of bean? Kidney? Black? Pinto?
All three, but black especially. Beans are like pasta. I can eat them all the time.

34: How far can you throw a baseball?
Probably not far.

35: If you had to move to another country, where would you move?
England, most likely.

36: Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Vietnamese? Korean? Nepalese? How was it?
I've had Vietnamese and Korean food. With both cuisines I've had negative experiences (cold, slimy, gelatinous, unidentifiable objects) and positive (I love Korean barbecue!).

37: Small, liberal arts school or public university? Why?
I went to a public university. I like the idea of a small liberal arts school. I wonder, though, if it would feel like high school all over again.

38: A relationship with love or one with sex?
Hopefully no relationship has sex without love. As a celibate, my relationships center around love and my sexuality is primarily offered to God. If I were married, I'd want both.

39: Do you eat enough vegetables? I eat a lot, but maybe I should diversify more. I eat a lot of potatoes. I also have onions, spinach, carrot juice, corn, and beans about once or twice a week.

40: Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers?
I love horror movies, especially the psychological or supernatural sort. I don't care for blood and gore.

41: Would you scratch a crotch itch in public? I'd look both ways first.

42: Do you swear in front of your parents? I say some of the milder words in front of them. But I tend not to swear very much anyway except when I get angry.

43: Coolest thing you've ever been for Halloween? Pope Benedict XVI

44: If you could change your natural hair color, would you? To what?
I've always like red hair. My sister is strawberry blonde, and my brother who died apparently was also. I like the darker red hair, though. I've put henna in my hair before, which gives it a dark red look.

45: Do you want to get married? Have kids? Every human being has the vocation to marriage and to father or mother, and I desire it no less than anyone else. It will look differently for me, though.

46: Do you use a reusable water bottle? If not, you should.
Well, they answered it for me.

47: City or nature person?
Both. I like nature in short bursts, and return to the city/home at night.

48: Have you ever used something other than "makeup" as makeup? (Like paint? Markers?) No.

49: Can you walk well in high heels? Even if you're a guy? I've never tried as an adult, nor would I. When my sister and I used to play in my mom's closet, I tried them, but my feet were too small at the time.