More on Cicero and Friendship

I have some more thoughts in response to Cicero's On Friendship.

Last time I wrote about Cicero's view of friendship as higher than the natural relations of family because it is not indissoluble. If a man is unfaithful or disloyal to a spouse or relative, he violates the natural law. This makes sense, as marriage and family are necessary for our survival, and that is why these relations are indissolubly bound by blood and covenant, and violated to our peril.

Friendship, on the other hand, is not bound by blood or covenant, but is dissoluble. It is not law and vow that binds a man to be a loyal and faithful friend, but his own character and integrity. This is why those lacking virtue are incapable of beginning or sustaining true friendship. Friendship, being founded on less secure and more fragile parts of our nature, requires greater care and attention, such that only the wise and virtuous can pull it off. Friendship is not, strictly speaking, necessary for survival, but it is necessary for thriving, joy, and happiness on earth; humanity reaching its full natural potential. 

We may no longer value friendship as the Greeks and Romans did. We may think it something lower, on the way to something else, or something temporary and to be used for our pleasure and advantage; a little hobby to piddle around with on the side. (The ancients would not call this true friendship.) Whether or not we value true friendship like the Greeks and Romans, it is undeniable that we are freeloading off of their commitment to and obsession with true friendship. 

It is not an accident that the Greeks and Romans dominated the ancient world politically, culturally, and intellectually, and laid the foundations of our civilization. It is due, in large part, to the extreme degree to which their leaders and thinkers valued and pursued true friendship.

Societies that only have good-will for spouses and kin, but are prone to back-stabbing, deception, quarreling, and warfare with non-kin and outsiders, are societies that remain perpetually tribal in nature. Thousands of years go by, and they survive and pass on many lovely family traditions, spend many nights in the comfort and security of their loved ones, but they never move on to something higher, something that transcends the insularity of their households and private interests, something that unites all of humanity in good-will.

If only we were as noble as these tribal societies, much less the ancient sages! For, we are coming to the point where we can scarcely even pull off marriage and family, much less true and unwavering friendship. It is rarer, these days, to find even a man who has good-will for his parents, children, or spouse, much less a non-relative. We are truly freeloaders on the faithfulness of our forefathers - but how long can we pull off this selfish act before facing the consequences? We already see signs of the degradation of society's structures...

Here's a snippet from Cicero:

[M]ost men unreasonably, not to say shamelessly, want a friend to be such as they cannot be themselves and require from friends what they themselves do not bestow. But the fair thing is, first of all, to be a good man yourself and then to seek another like yourself. It is among such men that this stability of friendship, of which I have been treating for some time, may be made secure; and when united by ties of goodwill, they will first of all subdue those passions to which other men are slaves; and, next, they will delight in what is equitable and accords with law, and will go to all lengths for each other; they will not demand from each other anything unless it is honourable and just, and they will not only cherish and love, but they will also revere, each other. For he who takes reverence from friendship, takes away its brightest jewel. Therefore a fatal mistake is made by those who think that friendship opens wide the door to every passion and to every sin. Friendship was given to us by nature as the handmaid of virtue, not as a comrade of vice; because virtue cannot attain her highest aims unattended, but only in union and fellowship with another. Such a partnership as this, whether it is, or was, or is yet to be, should be considered the best and happiest comradeship along the road to nature's highest good. In such a partnership, I say, abide all things that men deem worthy of pursuit — honour and fame and delightful tranquillity of mind; so that when these blessings are at hand life is happy, and without them, it cannot be happy.

The only thing missing from Cicero, I think, is charity, but he comes about as close as possible, for a heathen, to the Gospel truth.