My journal reminded me that it was two years ago today that I last visited Nathan. We went out with old Ball State friends. I drove us back and he was upset because I was going too fast. We stayed up late talking. He bought Diet Cokes and chocolate ice cream for us. I was thinking about him this weekend. I wish I could talk to him again.
Today I found out that I will need another surgery on my salivary gland. I discovered something under my jaw a couple of months ago. What I had before came back. My surgery will be March 1.
The first flowers of spring have shown up in my mom's yard. Little narcissi and crocuses. I cleaned some garden beds and pruned in her yard this weekend.
I got incredible sleep last night. I woke at five this morning and my yellow bedside light was still on and a book and my glasses were in bed with me. I needed it.
My dad intends to give me more responsibility in his business, a share in the ownership.
I have been sad for a number of weeks now and trying to keep my mind on other things. I've been consoled in prayer and reading and in little kindnesses people offer me. Ultimately the sadness comes from within. It makes no sense in writing further about what I can't change.
Some new people I've been reading from lately are Walter Pater, John Ruskin, Boethius, George Herbert. I'd like to learn more about Pater's thoughts on beauty and Boethius' path out of despair and despondency as he awaits execution.
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