Ash Wednesday

I went to confession today for the first time in several months. To be honest, I haven't received communion in several months. It's not that I lost faith; it was more that I felt I needed to work on some things before I could approach the sacraments again. One of my friends warned me against this. He said you can't fix your life without Jesus's help. Well, he is right. The problem is that there were some things about my life that I knew were incompatible with the Catholic faith and I wasn't sure that I was sorry for them. Since I wasn't sorry, I didn't want to go to confession or receive communion. During that time, when I prayed, I mostly told God that I was sorry that I wasn't sorry, and asked him to help me be sorry. Mostly, though, I avoided talking to God, because I didn't want to have to think about those things. Last night, though, I woke up in the middle of the night, and suddenly I had it on my heart that I was ready to talk to God, and I did. I told him everything that I didn't want to say, and I told him I was ready to listen to all that I didn't want to hear. This morning, I went to Mass, and I didn't receive communion, but the priest said he was going to hear confessions afterward and, though I hadn't planned on it and it made me late to work, I went to confession. Actually, I didn't need to say much to the priest. He knew me well enough to understand my case. He gave me warm advice and encouragement. I'm glad to be back.

Also, a couple of phone pics:

Viola odorata 'Duchesse de Parme'

This is a violet I'm growing in my greenhouse. It's in full bloom. It's a Parma violet, a flower beloved by Napoleon's Empress Josephine. They are essentially highly-fragrant double violets. The flowers have a powerful, old-fashioned scent that reminds one of his grandmother's house. Since violet is the color of Lent, I thought I'd post the flower that gives the name.

Film that arrived today

A bunch of film I ordered came in a day early. The CineStill films are the same films used to make IMAX movies cut down to be used in still cameras. They have a cinematic aesthetic. The 50D is designed for outdoor bright conditions and the 800T is for low- or -poor-light situations. I've already shot a roll of the 800T in 35mm, which I should get back this week. Portra 800 is a high speed Kodak film with vibrant colors. I ordered two boxes of FujiFilm Velvia because I've read rumors that this film might be discontinued in a year or so.